How nice is consider too nice?
Knowing full well of my reputation for being mellow, “have I ever been angry?” I would ask. Of course don’t ask that question to my husband, he would’ve said yes big time 🙂 He’s the only one whom I can expressed my feelings well. Anyway, as time goes by, I began to lose track of what being nice really meant.
I can’t bear to watch people argue like crazy or let alone faced confrontations with other people. It is a horrifying experience to watch that kind of scene. Sometimes, though not all the time, I would automatically act nice without actually feeling the same way. If it is not a principle matter, I tend to agree by habit. It just seems easier that way. Though at times, I felt a bit annoyed and anxious whenever someone did something that I did not agree with.
Despite feeling sad or dissapointed, I did not give myself an outlet to communicate my opinions better. I know that it is not healthy but I chose to avoid conflict. During arguments with people that I am not really close with, I would attempt to be accomodating, however when alone I was caught up in penitance. I had made myself feel completely powerless at times. People assumed that I would not speak out if I were upset. I felt out of energy to express how I really feel. There are times that I would drown in sorrow but no one would know, because I am just too good in hiding it. It seems easier to mope by yourself, crying your heart out, and feel better the next day, well hopefully…
Being nice does not mean that one have to be weak. Being compassionate toward others is only a form of strength when you make sure to self-reflect on how you really feel.
If you’re simply being nice automatically, without reflecting on your own thoughts and values, you’re not being good to yourself.
Without thinking about how I really feel, being agreeable is just simply another cover up to hide myself from the world. It seems I have to give myself a chance to express myself, how I really feel, otherwise I would experience fatigue or worse…..resentment.